One thing I deeply regret was not chasing after you and hugging you at Citilink. It was my gut instinct but I trusted your words that you would talk to me later. What happened later was a complete nightmare. I have never chased people with phone calls and smses before. I was completely at a loss.

What scares me and makes me afraid now is the fact that I won't be able to feel your presence anymore. I miss everything about you and the world seems darker and quieter. I cry but I think it helps me feel a little more alive. I want to meet you badly and talk to you.

What's stopping me from acting on this is rationality. It seems that irrationality hasn't gotten me anywhere and I honestly don't want to hurt you anymore. I don't want to live with the fact that Alyssa hurts people and enjoys it. I don't want to be a bad person.

I'm actually afraid to disclose even more about how I feel because I'm afraid to admit to myself that I can't live without you but you can. I'm equally afraid of becoming either vulnerable or bitter.

Honestly, I don't even know whether all my thoughts and words make sense but I guess I got to give them credit for haunting me in my head.

Alyssa