I'm exhausted of myself.

When there's nothing to focus on, I focus on myself, which usually turns into a self-loathing and nitpicking of flaws battle. No pain, no gain right?!

Random, but yeah..

I saw the PushMore video by Crossfit Malaysia.. Am super impressed by their female trainers. Honestly, there hasn't been alot of Asian girls to look up to as motivation in CFSG. Though Annelise is definitely a worthy opponent, judging by the fact she's lighter but stronger than me.

I have been doing CF for about 4+ months now but the only achievements I can speak of is single skips, box jumps and somewhat of a stamina. I have yet to achieve pull ups (much less kipping), double unders, muscle ups and all other complex lifting movements. BAM! Reality check...

I really need to push more. This is really unbecoming of me. That means no more distractions, ie. eating crappy food and going for CF irregularly.

That, I feel, will help me in my emotional state. And anything that keeps Alyssa sane will enable her to perform in other aspects of her Life. If not, she'll just become a spiralling disappointment, weighed down by worries and insecurities.

Don't judge me, I'm like this. I'm not depressed, it's just the way I function. Looking forward, I really wanna make something of myself.

Love,
BossaNovAlyssa